RealiZENtiments

"The Chinese Bamboo"

2012-02-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

Since I graduated from college, I've been in the pursuit of "happiness". I seem to be endlessly running after it like a hungry horse desperate for food. The media proclaims that as a woman, happiness all is about beauty, fame, and money. Being young and naive, I believed. Hence, I actively pursued the world of entertainment in my country, the Philippines, hoping to experience bliss. It did give me pleasure, but only on a shallow level. My ego was bursting with joy, but my soul is tormented from all the superficiality. So I asked God, "I have beauty, fame, and money. But why am I not happy?"

After endless soul searching through intense reflections, seeking spiritual advices and solitary confinement, I figured maybe the root of my unhappiness was because I was in the wrong career. So after years of being in the entertainment world, I stopped and tried exploring other interests such as fashion and beauty that could spark my true "personal legend". I kept switching from one venture to the next, yet nothing seems to give me fulfillment. I was still unhappy. Again, I asked God, "I'm doing my best to find my purpose in life, but why am I still not happy?"

I kept on with my sabbatical journeys on different parts of the world so I could listen to God through my inner voice. I was still desperate to know where to find this "happiness". In one of my travels, an idea occurred to me. "Maybe I'm living in the wrong country. Maybe I need to start all over and live a simple life again. And maybe I need to be with a man." And before I realized, I did exactly that: packed my bags and left my country to live in another continent, Australia, hoping to start all over and fall in love with a stranger. I had an ordinary but completely interesting life in this new country, so different from the "glitz and glamour" world that I am accustomed to at home. And I did meet a boy. The whole experience was amazing and humbling and it taught me a lot about life and relationships. But it still felt like there was something missing. And I didn't fall in love. So once more, I asked God, "I started a new, simple life in a foreign land and tried being with someone but why am I still not happy?"

So I went back home feeling hopeless and disappointed. One desperate night, I wrote a journal to God telling Him how angry I was. I told him how unfair He was for making other people happy effortlessly while here I am struggling so hard to find my joy all these years. I've tried everything, gave my best, pursued with all my might and yet, I was still unhappy. "Why God, why?!" The question remained unanswered.

It's almost a year since I wrote that journal and as I am writing this entry today, I am currently residing in Spain working as an English as Foreign Language Teacher living a simple, happy, peaceful life. How did I get here? Same scenario as before: I kept my faith in God, listened to His signs, and continued with my quest. It may have taken me years of endless questioning and frustration but it got me to where I am suppose to be... THE STATE OF PURE BLISS AND CONTENTMENT.

According to Paulo Coelho's new book ALEPH, "The Chinese bamboo spends 5 years as a little shoot, using that time to develop its root system. And then, from one moment to the next, it puts on a spurt and grows up to twenty-five meters high." As I read this, I felt like I got struck by lightning. It was exactly the answer to the questions I've been asking God all this time. He made me go through those years of agonizing soul searching and endless experimentation not to torture me, but for me to grow independent, strong, humble, patient and wise. Just like the Chinese bamboo, I needed to experience those to develop the roots of my spiritual system so that when the right time comes for me to spurt and grow up, I will soar high with joy.

Have I finally found my bliss? Maybe. Who knows? All I know is that I am in a very happy state. And continuously spurting and growing like the Chinese bamboo... even higher than twenty five meters! And ALAS! Finally. Everything made sense. :)

P.S. You've always been a big influence in my life, Mr. Paulo Coelho! Thank you for being a blessing to many. Meeting you in person is a priority in my bucket list. I'm hoping you would grant me the honor and privilege someday. Muy Obrigada! :)

"Top 5 Regrets Of Dying People" by Paulo Coelho

2011-12-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

"I'm Just A Woman" -by Mandy Hale

2011-09-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

As women, we are pulled in a million different directions every single day. We struggle with a million different insecurities every single moment.

We go to battle with our curling irons and our fussy boss and deadlines and traffic. We wish our skin could be as perfect as the girl who sits in the cubicle next to us, and we gaze down at our chipped nail polish with regret and embarrassment that our bank account is going down the drain this week and that the mani/pedi we planned to get will have to wait til next week.

We bravely face the day with our best “Single and Fabulous” smile… yet lie awake some nights in the silence of our rooms, wondering if our love will ever arrive. If we’ll ever be the bride and not the bridesmaid. If we’ll ever get to walk down the aisle to the man of our dreams… or if Happily Ever After is as impossible as it seems.

We are FAR from perfect… but we hope that someday, someone will fall in love with our imperfections… messy flat, empty refrigerator, unbalanced checkbook and all.

Fellas – Remember next time you see that flustered girl on the subway who realized three stops too late that she’s on the wrong train, or the overwhelmed girl at the auto repair shop who doesn’t know spark plugs from brake pads, or the seemingly confident girl giving a presentation to a roomful of high-powered execs while desperately trying to conceal her shaking hands…

Underneath it all is a woman who dreams of falling in love.

And try to look past the chipped nail polish and the bad hair day and the shaky hands to the beautiful heart.

Because at the end of the day, I'm just a woman that loves myself too much to be standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her… but I hope he will, anyway.

[REPOSTED FROM "THE SINGLE WOMAN"]

NOTE: My exact sentiment right at this very second! SPOT ON, BABY! :)

Boy VS. Man

2011-09-14T08:54:00.000-07:00

A boy uses women to build his self-esteem. A man already has it.

A boy likes to "hang out" with a woman he's interested in. A man asks her out.

A boy doesn't make a move until he's sure there's no risk. A man is bold and clear with his intentions.

A boy plays games with a woman. A man has no time for games because they keep him from getting to know the woman.

A boy will become bitter and angry with a woman when she denies him. A man accepts that dating involves risk.

A boy fears and worships women. A man respects and adores them but fears and worships only God.

Boys are cool and indifferent. Men are hot and passionate.

~STEPHEN W. SIMPSON~

NOTE: Raise your bar, ladies! Time to get rid of that stupid boy and choose to be truly loved by a real man. We deserve God's BEST. ♥

"Are You Torturing Yourself Via Facebook?" by Christine Hassler

2011-08-24T18:30:00.000-07:00

Imagine you are just about to check your Facebook feed. Notice how you feel before you start. Now think about how you feel after you spend a good chunk of time you can never get back scrolling through the news feed, checking in on a few people’s profile, and coming up with super witty or impressive things to write as your status. Now how do you feel? If you notice that your time on Facebook is leaving you feeling worse than how you felt before you logged on, you may be engaging in some unhealthy Facebook behaviors and it’s time for an intervention.

My guess is you are probably already aware of some ways you are possibly using Facebook as an unnecessary torture device, but just in case you are not clear, let me outline a few of ways in which Facebooking may be a mental health hazard.

The most common way I see people torturing themselves via Facebook is after a break-up. Typical behaviors in this situation include continuing to visit the page of ex’s, obsess and pontificate over their posts, monitor who their new friends are, agonize over their changed “relationship status” and so on. You do this more often than you admit and feel like a bit of a stalker. As much as you know you shouldn’t be looking at their profile, it’s kind of like a car accident, you just can’t fight the urge to look. You may also be manipulating your own profile with the intention of trying to make your ex jealous or curious.

Before Facebook we had to rely on hearing things through other people or actually running into our ex to be exposed to their life post “us.” But thanks to Facebook you have the ability to peek through the virtual window of your ex 24/7. If you are a voyeur in the life of your ex, you are most likely drawing a lot of conclusions that may not be true. What is true is that you are creating suffering that is not necessary. Break-ups are hard enough; why pour more salt in the wound by engaging in Facebook stalking? You have a choice not to look. Before you click on his or her page, STOP for a moment and visualize how you are going to feel five minutes after you do it. My guess is that it is not going to be a good feeling. Remind yourself that continuing to be energetically tied to your ex by spying on them is not an empowering choice. And if still feels like an uncontrollable urge, block their posts or better yet, defriend them. After any break-up both people need space. Continuing to be any kind of friends, even friends of Facebook, makes the process of moving on feel harder and take longer.

So how do you stop the comparison and competition? First, if there are people who you have an unhealthy dose of Facebook envy for, try some alchemy. Transform the jealousy into entertainment and inspiration. Allow yourself to be amused and inspired rather than competitive and envious. Furthermore, keep this very important truth in mind: Facebook is just a small sliver of someone’s life AND it is a sliver in which the content that is revealed is totally controlled. Most people put their best stuff on Facebook and share surface level things like alma maters and favorite movies. In the “info” section most people aren’t sharing about their deepest fears, incessant insecurities or heartaches. I don’t read many status updates that say things like, “I am so bloated and feel ugly today”, or “I can’t make my car payment”, or “I am scared I may get fired soon.”

Another unhealthy pattern I observe is engaging in Facebook competition and comparison. Typical behaviors include viewing other people’s pictures and posts and either trying to top them or going into massive amounts of self-judgment. You read other’s posts and wish your life could be as cool as theirs. You witness how many friends/fans they have and feel like a loser because you don’t have as many. You see pictures of people doing amazing things, being with amazing people, or just looking amazing and feel depressed that you do not have as much amazing-ness. The examples of this behavior are endless but the feeling is the same: feeling either less than or trying to be better than. Both of those are ego-based and move us away from the truth of who we are.

I heard an amazing speaker, Steven Furtick, say this about the pattern of comparison: When we are comparing, most often we are looking at someone’s “highlight reel” when we are knee deep in our own “behind the scenes” footage. This is a brilliant metaphor to keep in mind when you find yourself in Facebook envy so that you can remember that you are only looking at someone’s “highlight reel.” Get back to the scenes of your own life and look for the highlights that you may be missing if you are too consumed with other people. And if that still doesn’t work, once again it is time to exercise some will power and either block posts or do some de-friending.

Now you may think blocking or removing friends is weak. It’s not. Sometimes, as we are building our own muscles of self-confidence, empowerment and acceptance, we have to remove temptations and obstacles until our muscle gets stronger. We do not always have a choice over what we remove from our sphere of influence; however, with Facebook we do! So why not take advantage of that choice?

My encouragement to you is to take an assessment of your Facebook behavior and be honest with how healthy it is. Are the choices you are making supporting the overall intention and vision of your life? Can your online behavior be another way to support your transformation and growth, rather than using it as a means to create constriction? Will you take a stand today to disengage from unhealthy Facebooking?

Instead of allowing your ego to choose where you click and what you write on your status updates, give your authentic Self the keyboard and mouse. Rather than going to the pages of people who used to say, “I love you” to you, visit the pages of the people who still say it to you. Use Facebook for connection rather than for comparison and competition. And most importantly, get out from behind your computer or phone and actually go and BE and BE WITH the wonderful faces that surround you.

[NOTE: This is a repost. Everything said here should be taken into serious account as Facebook can really be hazardous psychologically. I salute the writer of this piece. GOOD JOB!]

Everything. Everytime. Everyone.

2011-08-11T04:21:00.000-07:00

“Everything you take for granted is a blessing. Everything you fear is a friend in disguise. Everything you want is a part of you. Everything you hate you hate about yourself. Everything you own does not define you. Everything you feel is the only Truth there is to know.

Everything you wish for is already on its way to you. Everything you think creates your life. Everything you seek for you will find. Everything you resist will stick around. Everything you let go of stays if it’s supposed to. Everything you need is right where you are.

Every time you bless another your bless yourself. Every time you blame another you lose your power. Every time you think you can, you can. Every time you fall you must get up and try again. Every time you cry you’re one tear closer to joy. Every time you ask for forgiveness, all you have to do is forgive yourself.

Everyone you see is your reflection. Everyone you know mirrors you. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to live in joy. Everyone seeks a higher purpose. Everyone breathes the same breath. Everyone needs love to survive. Everyone has a purpose to fulfill.

Everyone’s the same as everyone else. We just get caught up in labels, names, skin color and religion. Everyone’s the same as everyone else. No one wants to feel the pain. Everyone’s the same as everyone else. Everyone is dying for love to remain.”

- Jackson Kiddard, author and polymath.

A Strong Woman VS. A Woman of Strength

2011-08-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman walks sure footedly ...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...
but a woman of strength wears grace...

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...

----------------------------------------------------

NOTE: This poem is dedicated to my "Banger Sister", Margauxh... truly a woman of strength. I'm so proud of you. Welcome to a beautiful start. ¡TE QUIERO, MI AMADO BEBÉ! ♥

Letting Go (REPOSTED)

2011-08-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

"To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind confidence in the future.

Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving.

Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free. So go ahead. Cut the ties, break the chains, let it go."

NOTE: Reposted from Mandy Hales' blog. TOTALLY SUPERB!

50 Things You Need To Give Up Today (REPOSTED)

2011-05-30T22:21:00.001-07:00

When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you. So starting today…

Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.
Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.
Give up complaining. – Do something about it.
Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
Give up waiting. – What we don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.
Give up lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself. Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
Give up trying to avoid mistakes. – The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
Give up saying, “I can’t.” – As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”
Give up trying to be everything to everyone. – Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Start small. Start now.
Give up thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
Give up setting small goals for yourself. – Many people set small goals because they’re afraid to fail. Ironically, setting these small goals is what makes them fail.
Give up trying to do everything by yourself. – You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you work together, you will be far more capable and powerful than you ever could have been alone.
Give up buying things you don’t need. – Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.
Give up blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can live your dream life depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
Give up making mountains out of molehills. – One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years? If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Give up trying to live up to the expectations of others. – Work on it for real and exceed your own expectations. Everything else will fall into place.
Give up the ‘easy street’ mentality. – There is too much emphasis on finding a ‘quick fix’ in today’s society. For example taking diet pills to lose weight instead of exercising and eating well. No amount of magic fairy dust replaces diligent, focused, hard work.
Give up making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise. Over-deliver on everything you do.
Give up letting your thoughts and feelings bottle up inside. – People are not mind readers. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.
Give up beating around the bush. – Say what you mean and mean what you say. Communicate effectively.
Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.
Give up waiting until the last minute. – Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
Give up being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.
Give up being anti-athletic. – Get your body moving! Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.
Give up junk food. – You are what you eat.
Give up eating as a means of entertainment. – Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.
Give up foolish habits that you know are foolish. – Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t smoke. Etc.
Give up relationships with people who bring you down. – Saying “no” to wrong people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.
Give up being shy. – Network with people. Meet new people. Ask questions. Introduce yourself.
Give up worrying about what others think of you. – Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
Give up trying to control everything. – Life is an unpredictable phenomenon. No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next. So do you best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.
Give up doing the same thing over and over again. – In order to grow, you must expand your horizons and break free of your comfort zone. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
Give up following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t find the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
Give up persistent multi-tasking. – Do one thing at a time and do it right.
Give up thinking others are luckier than you. – The harder you work, the luckier you will become.
Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities. – It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Think. Relax. Breathe. Be.
Give up making emotional decisions. – Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence. Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.
Give up doing the wrong things just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it. Think bigger. Keep the end in mind. Do what you know in your heart is right.
Give up focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
Give up taking yourself so seriously. – Few others do anyway. So enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.
Give up spending your life working in a career field you’re not passionate about. – Life is too short for such nonsense. The right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
Give up thinking about the things you don’t have. – Appreciate everything you do have. Many people aren’t so lucky.
Give up doubting others. – People who are determined do remarkable things. Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
Give up fussing with every beauty product on the market. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. That’s when you’re beautiful.
Give up trying to fit in. – Don’t mold yourself into someone you’re not. Be yourself. Oftentimes, the only reason they want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.
Give up trying to be different for the sake of being different. – Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity. When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different. Once again, be yourself.
Give up trying to avoid risk. – There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’ Everything you do or don’t do has an inherent risk.
Give up putting your own needs on the back burner. – Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

And remember, mistakes make us human, failures help us grow, hope keeps us going and love is the reason we’re alive. So keep learning, loving and living. Never give up on yourself.

NOTE: THIS ENTRY IS REPOSTED FROM A FORWARDED EMAIL.

The War Principles of Sun Tzu

2011-05-14T23:59:00.000-07:00

If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him.

If he is in superior strength, evade him.

If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him.

Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant.

Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.

He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot, will be victorious.Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.

If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril.

Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster.

The opportunity to secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself.

To fight and conquer in all our battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

You have to believe in yourself.

NOTE: Reposted from the blog of Paolo Coelho.

The Brief Encounter

2011-05-10T07:06:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, you get involved with a stranger only for a season and a reason. The encounter was exactly necessary at that time for both of you to grow. There was so much synchronicity and sparks happening at first! It felt wonderful. So you both decided to take the journey together.

But as you kept on towards the end, you came across 2 roads turning left and right. You realized you aren't meant to go to the same direction. You are destined to take each road. You both look at each other and there was nothing left to learn, no more growth to take place.

You stood in the middle and there was nothing else beyond that. You keep checking for other possible mutual routes, you look forward, look back, walk back and forth, and eventually, just sit in one corner feeling helpless and confused.

Your lover sits next to you and your sad eyes meet. It was then that you both know the journey you shared has served its purpose already. You both learned what is needed to be learned from the experience and from one another. Your tender moments have come to an end and there's no other way but to let go.

Be grateful for this lovely brief encounter, the ride, the journey. It was good while it was happening and it accomplished its mission of making both of you grow and happy for a while.

But now it is time to raise your head up high with all the good memoirs and lessons learned. Time to walk forward towards your path without looking back.

Get on with the journey. Unfold the next chapter. Be open to a brand new start. Who knows? The next meaningful encounter with the perfect stranger could be waiting just around the corner... and this time, you could just be heading towards the same destination.

"Let Go Of Toxic Relationships" (REPOSTED)

2011-04-21T01:11:00.000-07:00

One of the most common patterns I see with most of my clients who are in unhealthy relationships is the belief that this is the best it can get for them and that they are lucky to be getting 25% of the love they really want. AND if they ever did have the guts to break up with this person that it would be a life sentence to loneliness and singledom. They think so lowly of themselves that they actually BELIEVE that they don’t deserve or won’t be able to attract a truly loving partner.

My friend, NOTHING could be further from the truth. This is a literal Uni-verse. Whatever you think INTO it is what it will MIRROR back to you. So, from a certain point of view those who believe it to be impossible to find lasting love are right, not because it’s the truth, but because that is the belief they are thinking and acting upon. As a result, what manifests in their life is a lack of intimate love and an experience of just “getting by” on scraps of love.

See, it’s not that intimate love, success and all that rad stuff isn’t available to you; if you think this way, YOU literally are not available for IT.

I believe with all my heart that if you raise your standards you will rise along with them. When you do ask more of The Uni-verse, a mystic process begins to unfold. Once your intention and actions are in alignment, all the unhealthy fragments of your life begin to fall away.

It is so important to not cling to these unhealthy attachments. But, instead, sit back and let them go. When you stay in situations that you have outgrown mentally or spiritually, because you are afraid that there will be nothing for you on the other side, you stunt your growth and hold yourself back.

If you were still trying to wear the same shoes you wore when you were 4 years old and believed that those were the only shoes you could ever wear because no shoes will ever fit you again, you would be in a mess of trouble.

Look at these unhealthy and dramatic relationships and situations the same way. You’ve out grown the shoes and your feet are in pain because you won’t take them off. Except in life it’s not your feet, but your Spirit and Heart that are in pain. If you hold on too long you will begin to get dis-ease in the body.

So let it go with joy! Know there are plenty of shoes out there that are your size and, if for some reasons there aren’t, then know you have all the resources within you to construct your own customized pair of shoes!

Don’t settle for 25%; let go and let The Uni-verse bring you 125%. Keep your standard high; that’s how you fly, my friend.

REPOSTED FROM: "The Daily Love" by Mastin Kipp

God's Immediate Response To My Prayer

2011-04-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

Last night was one of those times where I was praying to God, asking Him the questions every SANE 30-something year old woman would ask the universe every so often... "Will I ever get happily married? Will true love find me? Does my soul mate exist? Where is he and what's taking him so long?" I can't help but get these anxiety attacks once in awhile brought about by too much lovey dovey in the media or perhaps, by my estrogen hormones.

Don't misinterpret. I find joy and contentment flying solo, running free, living a good life, and doing the things I want but at the end of the day, I'm also just a woman with a tender heart to that matter. It's just PERFECTLY HUMAN to admit that no matter how independent a person like me is, we still long to spend an eternal bliss with our soulmate. Deep down every person's heart lies an intense longing for an everlasting love worth fighting for.

So last night, I was bugging God like a customer would to a waiter while waiting for my order that's taking forever. Whining and questioning and wishing and hoping. I asked God over and over what's taking His best man so long to find me. I demanded an answer from Him ASAP. And I said, "Can you please be specific as I am really getting impatient... AGAIN!"

To my surprise, as I went online today and checked this inspirational blog called "The Daily Love" that I visit often for spiritual nourishment, this is their latest post:

Letter From God

My Dear Child,

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively, but I say “No.” Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, will you be ready to have the intensely personal and unique relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with anyone or anything else until you are united with Me. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and start allowing Me to give you the most thrilling plan in existence – one that you cannot even imagine. I want you to have the best. Please, allow Me to bring it to you.

You must keep watching Me expecting the greatest of things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM. Keep listening and learning the things that I will tell you. Just wait. That’s all. Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have or that I have given them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking up to Me or you will miss what I want to show you. And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you have dreamed of.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me. This is Perfect Love.

And Dear One, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer. Know that I love you utterly. Believe it and be satisfied.

Love,

God

HAHAHA! Wow. I was stuck. I remember reading this somewhere before already but I guess it had to be in my face again since I asked for God's answer with demands! His response was SPOT ON. Funny how God answers you just as how you asked for it! :)

So yes, I will focus on my own path, stop listening to what the cynics say, and keep learning from the experiences coming my way. (Hopefully I last longer without the useless anxiety attacks!) I choose to wait, believe, hope and trust that He will allow me to experience this perfect everlasting love with His best man in His perfect time. I know he will keep His promise. Until then, I have Him, my Father as the love of my life. :)

P.S. To the other hopefuls out there, keep love burning in your hearts. For someday, despite the world's twisted view on things, we shall live the greatest love stories of all time. Just believe and one day, it will happen. :) Right Father?

"Wait" by Russell Kelfer

2011-04-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate …

And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.

“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?

I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,

Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:

I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,

As my Master replied again, “Wait.”

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine …

and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.

You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.

You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.

You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.

You’d not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

“You’d never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still … Wait.”

P.S. God's timing is never early nor too late. It's just ALWAYS the right time. ALWAYS. :)

My Song At The Moment

2011-04-13T10:44:00.000-07:00

Be still my soul. God is here. :)

Today, I am Grateful For My...

2011-04-07T03:04:00.000-07:00

...FAST METABOLISM. This enables me to enjoy food and maintain my figure even at the age of 31. Thank God for this as I am a natural born foodie!

...UNEXPECTED BLESSINGS. Events still surprisingly book me even after having left the country for a year. Thank you life for the abundant supply!

...SIMPLE JOYS. My cat's loud purr, a beautiful sunset, a few best friends to count on, compliments from strangers, and good food. It's these little things that we take for granted but actually, can make our day complete.

...SELP-ACCEPTANCE. After more than 30 years of psychological struggles brought about by an indifferent father, over-critical mother, and low self-esteem, I finally found myself. I am at peace and happy with who I am now. At long last!

...KNOWLEDGE POWER. Career, drama, men, friends or foes... Years of push and pull, dating, living and learning have continuously sharpened me into knowing how to deal with them all. I seriously prefer power from knowing than bliss out of ignorance.

...CLEAR CUT FOCUS. I'm done settling for crumbs, bargains, and second best. I now know what I really want out of life and I'm keeping my eyes on the price until I get it. I deserve the best of the best. Anything less is a waste of time.

...BELOVED PHILIPPINES. Yummy mangoes, smiling people, conservatism, Choc Nut, cheap shopping, God-driven nation, home services, Razon's halo-halo, amazing beaches. Need I say more? :)

What I'm Looking For In A Man (REPOSTED)

2011-03-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

"A Woman's Worth"
A FORWARDED EMAIL

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes." She began to expound...

"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?' "

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to
money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

When she finished her spiel, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You are asking a lot.

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

P.S. This woman's description of the man she's looking for is EXACTLY what I've been praying for. Refuse to settle, aim for the best! :)

My Song At The Moment

2011-03-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

"Stronger Now"
BY: Warrant

I held you for a moment in my hands
The moment with you slipped away like sand
Through my fingers now
In front of me a choice I have to make
To carry on or simply fade away
I lose you either way
I'd like to say that it was easy, it was hard
To say goodbye, I thought that I would die

CHORUS:
Letting go of you, was so hard to do
And I thought that it would kill me but I made
It through somehow, and I'm so much stronger now

I gave to you my love and my respect
But I could never make you love me back
I denied it so
I grew bitter watching you grow cold
My life became your prison, took it's toll
I decided
Like a bird that's trapped
Inside a gilded cage
It's right to set it free,
Hurts to watch it
Fly away

P.S. For you. Have a great journey ahead. :)

"Sounds Of A Heart Breaking" by Karen Kunawicz

2011-03-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it's the whispers of the toy animals he gave you.

It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.

It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love yous" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.

The sound of the waves of the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses he gave, the sound of the music he used to make going to your gut.

The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear.

It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of dying birds getting splattered on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.

Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as a feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

"Attracting Lovers That Cause You Pain" by Mastin Kipp

2011-03-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

If, for some strange reason, you have or still keep attracting lovers who only end up causing you pain, today’s words are for you.

Each person in your life is sent there for your benefit and to teach you a lesson. The lesson could be how to trust yourself. The lesson could be that you are loved. The lesson could be to heal a wound from your past, or perhaps the lesson could be forgiveness.

Now, think about this. If someone is sent into your life to teach you forgiveness, how else could you learn the lesson of forgiveness than by being betrayed or let down by someone you care for deeply? Or, if the lesson is to teach you how to trust yourself, then how else could you learn except by getting into a relationship where you KNEW from the beginning that is wasn’t good for you, but you proceeded anyway.

Some lessons come bearing pain; others come bearing great pleasure and reward. YOUR task is to see the people who are coming in and out of your life from a larger perspective and ask yourself what you are learning from each person.

YOU have consciously or unconsciously chosen who the people are that are in your life. As a result, you are either consciously or unconsciously signing up for a lesson from each person you allow into your life experience. If you keep choosing people to fill your life experience that you know deep down aren’t healthy for you, but that being with them is better than being alone, then you are signing up for a painful lesson, AGAIN, about how to trust yourself.

You will keep attracting people into your life who leave that painful aftertaste until you start to trust yourself. Then, slowly but surely, your life will begin to change.

When you trust yourself and demand more of The Uni-verse, your attraction point changes and the people in your life change as a result.

If you want to attract that loving person, then ask more from the Uni-verse. Embrace being alone. Accept that it will happen in perfect time, but not necessarily on YOUR schedule. Forgive past lovers, for they have only come bearing the gift of a lesson. When you forgive, you create more room in your life for BIG LOVE.

Feel the pain, but then step back and see the lesson. Next time, learn from the past and make a new choice.

You are the creator of your life with the choices you make. Do you want to keep making the same mistake, or are you ready to graduate and experience BIG LOVE in your life? The choice is yours – make it consciously, and make it TODAY!

(REPOSTED from "The Daily Love")

The Awakening Of Peter Pan

2011-02-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

Being young is an incredible phase in life. It's the time when you feel invincible, wild, and free. The word FUTURE, MARRIAGE, AGING, and SAVINGS don't seem to exist and what matters is the fun happening in the here and now.

Food, shelter, and money are not a problem because parents are there to provide. To sustain extra expenses that young people want like the latest fad, booze, dating costs, concert tickets, and travels... casual jobs can easily be found. And if you have the slightest problem in your simple life, ask mom and dad and they'll tell you what to do.

Life is simple and breezy. No major decisions. No big responsibilities. No long term commitments. No future talk. Screw tomorrow... just enjoy now! It's Peter Pan trotting happily in Never Neverland.

No wonder most people refuse to grow up. They prolong the "teenager" mentality because it has no worries and complications. They get stuck in "adultolescence" where they continue living like adolescents when biologically, are now full grown adults and already meant to evolve. They just refuse to accept the change and constantly run away from it by not thinking about tomorrow and enjoying today.

But in truth, every Peter Pan needs to eventually wake up. Because the reality is... parents will die, bills have to be paid, people grow old, life has to have a purpose, and the future needs security.

If all Peter Pans just keep hopping around as if the real world is Neverland, they will just go on and on roaming around without a sense of direction. And as much as we want to believe in fairytales where magic powers can be used to make anything happen overnight, real world doesn't work that way. It takes time, patience, dedication, determination, and effort to get the best things in life. (Unless something was handed over to you instantly or it was done illegally!)

I was the classic Peter Pan when I graduated from my university. I refused to wake up because I was tremendously enjoying the freedom of being an adult with no curfew and deadlines... but without the "grown up" responsibilities. I figured I worked so hard to finish school! I deserve the fun.

Mom was there to sustain my bum lifestyle. I accept low paying, instant jobs that won't take me anywhere near a career just to afford the latest trends. I spend my free time partying hardcore at the "in" night spots. I didn't care if friends come and go. And I get drawn to bad boys who only gave me pleasure but can't offer a future. It was a happy place... until the REALITY alarm rang loud and yanked me out of Neverland in my mid 20s.

Suddenly, I started to seek for a sense of purpose in my life. I realized the partying, shopping and flinging around lifestyle is getting old. I didn't know what career direction I'm heading and the "easy money" jobs aren't helping me get there. And my comfort zone, home and parents are no longer willing to support my "happy go lucky" lifestyle. It was a sad wake up call to adulthood and it painfully jumpstarted me into getting serious about pursuing my passion in acting and hosting. So yes, it happened for the best.

Looking back, I'm thankful that I came out of it alive. While some adults still refuse to go through the "growing pains" by constantly running away from it using drugs, alcohol and vices, I held the bull by its horns. It wasn't an easy process... but I was reborn stronger, wiser, and clearer with what I want to achieve. I just needed to endure those goddamn birth pains but it was all worth it in the end.

I still feel jealous sometimes when I see young Peter Pans living in fantasy life. But then again, I know it's something I've already done and gotten over with. Now I've embraced adulthood and set up long term goals that will give me not only a happy present life but a great future as well.

Adult life is full of challenges but going through it all is what makes it good! Trying, failing and learning from it OR trying, succeeding and emerging victoriously... it's all a learning process. And besides, why would you wanna get stuck in one chapter of the story of your life? Turning on a new leaf and the suspense of "What's next?", it's what makes every story exciting!

And the good part about being an adult is, once in awhile, you can go back as Peter Pan and visit Neverland. There is always a need for balance with work and play. So after years of dedication as a performing artist, I gave myself the permission to travel, explore, and enjoy. I have fun in the now but I still haven't forgotten my long term goals list and I'm still working towards it.

So yes... gone were the days where partying, shopping, mom's money, casual jobs, shallow people and flirty boys are the solution to little problems. It is replaced with career plans, investing for the future, "quality over quantity" purchases, a few good friends and entertaining men only if they display good life partner potentials.

Adulthood, it's the birth of a new era. Catch you later Neverland! My Peter Pan side shall return. For now, time to go back to the real world... and it doesn't get more exciting than this! :)

My Prayer At The Moment

2011-02-21T05:53:00.000-08:00

My Lord, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

-- THOUGHTS IN SOLITUDE by Thomas Merton

Sentiments In The Western Dating World

2011-01-15T14:12:00.000-08:00

Dating someone you're interested in is a very exciting experience. It's the time when you get to know each other, to see if there's more to just attraction, and to test if your personality fits.

It's the stage where everything is still on gray area, nothing is certain. That person could give you butterflies on your stomach if it works out or a major headache if he turns out disappointing. But ironically, that uncertainty is what makes it dramatic.

"Will he call me?" "Are we hanging out or going out?" "Do I really like him?" "Does he really like me?" "Will it work out?" "Is this worth it?"... All these typical girly questions haunt you as you go along but the reality is, answers can't be found as it will only be revealed in the time that you spend together.

Dating is a BIG challenge. It's an attempt to blend two people with different backgrounds, upbringing, morals, and preferences together with the hopes that they will complement one another. Cultural difference poses an even more greater complication because it stems from a person's psychological roots, which seems almost impossible to alter.

Having gone out with mostly Westerners (or those with Western upbringing!) in my entire dating life, I thought I'd be an expert in handling this cultural difference. Turns out, I'm still so lost in the Western dating translation (or maybe just dating in general!). Here are amongst my sentiments coming from an Eastern woman's perspective...

1. They aren't into "labels". To them, it's simple. I like you, you like me. Let's keep seeing one other as long as we want to and break off if it turns bad. No definition, no labels. The relationship rules just get made up as you go along. The simplicity in it does make a lot of sense but I still find it quite confusing. Are you just hanging out or more? Are you friends with benefits or dating? Is this a fling or a serious deal? Can you still see other people or are you exclusive? Are you officially ON together or you're still testing the waters? Without a clear read of what you are, you don't know what the parameters are in the so-called relationship and you are always haunted with confusion... WHAT ARE YOU TO EACH OTHER THEN?

Coming from the Eastern world where men would usually spell out the status of the relationship in romantic way, I find this the most challenging part in Western dating. It's like riding a train with no signage on it's destination... or at LEAST the various stops it will make along the way to know that it's heading in a place where you want it to. You are just expected to sit still and enjoy the view and not think about whether you rode the right train or not. I'm still learning how to roll with this but honestly, it's too hard to fathom.

2. Whoever makes the first move doesn't matter to them. It's all about equality. Boy or girl, you can do the "asking out" first. No judgement will be made. Call me a prude but this will never be my thing. I still believe in the natural order of things. Men are designed to hunt. If they find something good, they'll go for it. They are built to pursue a woman they are crazy about. As the saying goes, "If a man wants you, nothing will stop him. If he doesn't, everything will stop him." Besides, how will I know if a man is truly into me or just went for me because I was a convenience if I did all the move to make it happen?

3. They don't do the major works of courtship. They do it so differently with an Easterner. When a Western man likes a woman, they show it by spending a lot of time with her to get to know her and see if they'll get along, one day at a time. An Eastern man however, will usually court the woman, wine, dine and romance to win her over emotionally first... and then the rest will follow. This is quite dangerous as it can lead the woman on first then it gives man the power to decide later on if he'll go for her or not.

I prefer how Westerners do it as it's a more realistic way to testing compatibility. But I will always miss the romantic "cariño" of Eastern men. Flowers, compliments, sweet surprises, romantic way of asking your hand to be his girl, cuddles after making love... it would be so nice to have that but if you're dating a hardcore Western, forget it... NOT HAPPENING. Westerns are colder emotionally and less affectionate so you can't expect a lot of lovey dovey stuff from them. They score major points though by revealing who they are early on and what they want out of you. No dramas, no bullshit.

4. Chivalry is dying in the West. To them (not all!) you're a big girl already. You should be able to carry your grocery bags, open the car door, pull out your chair, walk around and cross the street on your own. Unless your bag is 5 times the size of your weight or the car door is made of steel or a speeding bus is about to hit you on the road, you can't expect a Westerner to come to the rescue. I don't expect men in general to be chivalrous to me all the time, but once in awhile, a gentleman act would be highly appreciated. After all, I am a lady... I should be reminded and treated like one. Is that too much to ask for? Don't think so.

5. Dutch payment have different meanings on both ends. In the East, when a woman offers her share on a dinner date, it means she is being considerate with the man. She is sending the message that she's not after his money but rather, his company. So if he still insists on paying in spite the woman's offer, she feels special because it means that he is really serious about treating her out. In the West, a woman offering her share on a date is an act to show that she is independent and capable of paying her own meal. Thus, if a man still insists on paying, it can be quite insulting for the woman. It's interesting how this one simple act can be interpreted differently by the 2 cultures. But still, I think that if a man is SERIOUS about treating her out, he should insist on paying... regardless of culture.

6. Westerns are very frank. Unlike Easterners who are more known to butter up words and intentions, Westerners give the answers to you straight and upfront. I do admire their honesty and truthfulness but sometimes, bluntness with their opinion is too much that it comes off as insensitive and takes away the romantic side of things. Again, honesty is always a good thing but as they say, too much of anything is still a bad thing. NOT everything said out of honesty can be completely understood and acceptable OR was done out of good intention. Some things are better said in a sweeter, nicer way... or not even said at all if it will only cause grief. But I guess some guys are just not sensitive enough to know the balance.

7. Western men get WAY too comfortable too soon with their girl friends. In the Eastern world, it takes a while to let the defenses down but with them, it's instant. When they start seeing you as their girl, they just get too relaxed with you. There's a tendency to be treated as one of the boys most of the time. Honeymoon stage expires way too fast. They curse a lot, watch sports, play video games, bum on the couch, blatantly check out women in billboards or hot girls passing by like it's not a big deal... and all these "boys locker room" behavior that as an Eastern woman, I feel is not ALWAYS appropriate. These sort of things can be taken in moderation and must have limits. Otherwise, the woman will feel that she is being taken for granted and it is quite offensive to the ego.

However, the good side to them being comfortable too soon is you get to know each other in a deeper level. You get to figure out their inner workings, discover their true character and who they really are. Thus, you become friends with no pretensions while in a relationship. And that helps you decide fast if you are compatible or not. Less time is wasted in trying to figure them out. It's already given right off the bat, what you see is what you get. You just gotta ask yourself if you can put up with the flaws.

8. They have a liberated view on sex and dating. They just take these things too lightly. In an Eastern perspective on dating, you will only keep seeing someone if you feel that they can be your potential future mate. So in my case, even if I find a guy hot but I don't think we're a good fit, I wouldn't bother. But to Westerners, dating doesn't have that much bearing. They just go on and on seeing someone and enjoy while it lasts... even if they know it's NOT meant to last. Um... but isn't the purpose of dating to know if you have a great FUTURE ahead together? So if there's none, what's the point?! This is something I'm still trying to understand up to this day.

Sex is also not a big deal. This is something I can never imbibe from the Westerns. Sex will never be JUST SEX to me. It can have bearing, maybe if they are in love but in general, sex is pleasure so they'd do it anyway even if it means simply just that. PLEASURE. Nothing more, nothing less. I often experience culture shock with this one as I am raised to see sex as something so sacred and intimate... like a deep level of spiritual bond. Hence, you only do it with someone really special. It's not something that can just be done for the heck of it.

But to them, it's just like getting a massage. It's good and pleasurable but can be forgotten when it's done. This is my big draw back with Western guys because it makes me question their faithfulness and loyalty as a partner. If they just treat sex ever so casually, what makes me think they won't be sleeping around with another girl just for "fun"... since it doesn't mean anything... JUST sex?

9. On a lighter note, I like how Westerners volunteer their share of household chores. Eastern men expect the women to do all the "domesticated" roles as they are already doing the providing. But for a Western man, it boils down to equality again. A man can do what a woman can. And that includes household chores. You both help each other in cooking, washing, and cleaning the house. This is a breath of fresh air growing up from a society where women are expected to be a glorified "house keeper/cook/nanny" in the relationship dynamics. I really wish Eastern guys can be influenced by this. It's about time they get over the "Momma's Boy" syndrome.

10. The destination of the relationship is very vague. No talk about future, no planning on what's the next step, no projection of what awaits tomorrow. It's just all "let's take it by the day and see where it goes." I guess this can be done by any man, regardless of his culture but given the fact that my exposure is to Westernized men, I get this approach a lot (or maybe I've just been meeting boys who are still playing the field!) Just like the NO LABELS rule, they just like to "play it cool". No rush, no pressure.

This can be quite thrilling as you both don't know where the ride will take you. But just because something feels "exciting", doesn't mean it's right. At the end of the day, women still need an assurance that they signed up for a deal that's worth their time. We don't need a concrete promise of love and a bright future but at least a little encouragement to know that we are appreciated, valued, and loved. I guess it takes a good man to keep a good woman when he sees one. I just gotta wait for my turn to be spotted by one. I still believe my match is just out there somewhere. It's all a matter of God's time.

As I write this blog, I realized I should stop boxing myself out with the belief that a particular race or culture is better to date than the other. I used to believe Eastern men are too passive and Westerns, too liberated. Although culture plays a big role on how a man is raised to treat a woman, but still, everything boils down to chemistry. It's either the 2 of you have it or you don't. If the person is right for you, your heart will feel at ease... no doubts, no fears, no inhibitions. Everything between you two will simply fall into place... and issues such as age, distance, upbringing, or culture will eventually work itself out. It's a matter of waiting for that right person to come to your life. Until then, all you can do is put yourself out there and explore all possibilities that could lead to love... be hopeful for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between. So to all the romanticists out there, GODSPEED our journey.

"Finding The Love Path" by Paolo Coelho

2011-01-09T12:54:00.000-08:00

Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others. She had a whole life to live, and she was always thinking that, in the future, she might regret the choices she made now. “I’m afraid of committing myself,” she thought to herself.

She wanted to follow all possible paths and so ended up following none. After her first romantic disappointment, she had never again given herself entirely. She feared pain, loss, and separation. These things were inevitable on the path to love, and the only way of avoiding them was by deciding not to take that path at all. In order not to suffer, you had to renounce love. It was like putting out your own eyes not to see the bad things in life.

Ever since time began, people have recognized their true Love by the light in their eyes. “When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”

“Don’t bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can and keep whatever you felt as a gift from God. The best way to destroy the bridge between the visible and invisible is by trying to explain your emotions.”

“But how will I know who my Soulmate is?” Brida felt that this was one of the most important questions she had ever asked in her life. “By taking risks” she said to Brida. ‘ By risking failure, disappointment, disillusion, but never ceasing in you search for Love. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end.”

Nothing is completely wrong. Even a broken watch is right twice a day.

(NOTE: THANKS FOR THE ENLIGHTENMENT, PAOLO COELHO! I CAN SO RELATE TO THIS!!!)

Settling For Less While Waiting For The Best

2010-12-14T16:39:00.000-08:00

People want the best things in life... a career we love, an abundant income, a secured home, a comfortable lifestyle, and a loving relationship with the person of our dreams. Who wouldn't desire these things anyway?

And besides, we deserve it. After all, living life isn't always a smooth sailing course and the only consolation we can look forward to are the amazing things that we may stumble into along the way.

But the sad reality is, life will never guarantee these "best things". We may seek or work for it but it doesn't mean we get the best outcome that we're hoping for at the exact given time that we want it.

So instead of going for a career we're passionate about, we go for the one that's available.

Instead of a more than enough income, we take the one that pays the bills.

Instead of a secured home, we risk the uncertainties of a foreign land.

Instead of a comfortable lifestyle, we endure the hardships of instability.

And instead of waiting to be in the best relationship with the man/woman of our dreams, we settle for a boy/girl who's just there to give us temporary pleasure.

We know in our hearts that we deserve better than all these... that we all want and desire the BEST. But then again, what can we do? Life has an ironic way of twisting things and before we realize it, we're starting to settle for what's there instead of going for what we deserve.

I'd compare it to craving for a delicious home cooked meal... you know it's the best thing to fill up your hungry tummy. But at the time you're looking for it, it's nowhere to be found. You wait patiently because you know it's gonna be worth it but the hunger pangs are getting stronger.

Then you come across a fast food place that looks good. It's cheap, convenient, and seems to be serving decent meals. No doubt you prefer the home cooked meal and you know in your heart it's best for you. But then again, what can you do? The fast food is right there and you are starving. You can keep walking but there's no assurance you'll find some freshly made meals.

So you go and buy yourself one of those budget combo meal, savor it just to silence your hunger, and then move along with your journey with the hopes of stumbling into a nice restaurant that serves quality home made dishes. Until then, all you gotta do is wait. But at least you're no longer that hungry and needy.

Settling for less while waiting for the best... I guess, sometimes we let it happen even if we know that it's not exactly what we deserve. The reality is... bills need to get paid, dreams don't always become reality, life isn't a fairytale, and people get lonely and horny.

I've been there a couple of times... putting up with so-and-so jobs, a "just enough" income, the mediocre life, and meantime boys that's fun for now... when I know in my heart I deserve better... a wonderful job that I love, a bountiful income that will secure my future, a happy life to look forward to each day, and a good man who will give me commitment, good future and romance... take care of me and treat me like a princess.

I am guilty as charged for settling for the "fast foods" in life even up to this point when I'm suppose to be old enough to know better but can I be blamed for feeling too hungry and impatient and needing a temporary relief?

But despite this "settling" act, I still haven't given up the search for the BEST things. I still haven't lost my hope... hope that one day, I will stumble into a truly delicious home cooked meal that I deserve and have been craving for.

Will I ever find these "quality food" in my journey? My perfect career, great income, blissful life, man of my dreams? Only God knows. All I can do is to keep moving forward and walk by faith. Meanwhile, enjoy the "fast foods" that I may stumble on along the way to keep me filled up.

And hope... just hope that one day, all of my "BESTs" are right there by the corner... which will make this never ending waiting and searching game so worthwhile in the end.

Lessons I Learned From A 20 Year Old Musician

2010-11-26T17:45:00.000-08:00

ELEISHA CARIPIS: a young lovely girl; an outstandingly talented singer, song writer and artist; the next big thing in music; a certified fashionista; blessed with a beautiful mind and kind heart; an artist's muse; Jaymee's best friend; the special birthday girl...

I met Leish in school as we are enrolled in the same course. I've always had a good feeling about her. Something is just so special about this girl... how she wears her clothes, the way she exudes herself, her choice of vocabulary, how she intensely listens and looks at people when they talk, the interesting stories she shares... She is a novelty, a one of a kind, a unique character...

As I spend most of my days in Sydney talking to Leish who I refer to as my "muse", I have learned a lot of insights about life based on her perspective. Here are some of my favorites lines that she said:

"Give people a chance. Sometimes, they simply just need you to believe in them. The mean, tough side they show could be just a facade of their insecurity."

"Some people are nice to bad people even if they treat them like shit. Not because they are martyrs, but because they have hope in people… hope that they will someday, realize that the goodness inside them still exists."

"We have to see the world through the eyes of the child. It takes so little to make them happy. Adults tend to worry way too much, too soon. Things will be less complicated if only we don't lose that childhood innocence."

"Having a lot of money does not equal happiness. It could just be a bridge to get you to your bliss but it’s not the destination."

"The people who broadcast to the world that they are “normal”, “nice” or “perfect” are actually the psychologically disturbed ones. No freak or criminal will ever admit they have a loose screw in their head. Acknowledging that you’re weird in some kind of way or admitting your craziness is actually a sign that you are normal."

"Some people would rather have a hundred friends to party with but to which they can’t run to at times of despair. But there are those who’d rather have one friend but that person would stick to them even through sickness and death. The first person may know a lot of people and be more acceptable by the society… but they don’t establish deep bonds. Friendships are disposable. The second person is often labelled as a loner and finds it difficult to make friends… but when she does, it’s guaranteed to be a strong connection and can potentially last. Like what we have with each other."

"It’s not about the amount of time spent with the person that matters. It’s about the effect they made in your life. Sometimes, those brief and meaningful encounters with strangers are the ones that change you as a person and create an impact in your life forever."

"Listening and feeling a song makes you lose yourself into the story of the artist… at what exact position they were in when they wrote the song and the emotions they were feeling at that point in time. Music is an outlet of an artist’s mind, body and soul."

This blog entry is written for Eleish as she celebrates her 20th birthday today. I wish her all the joy, love, and abundance in this special day. True friends are hard to find and I'm am truly grateful to have stumbled into a precious jewel. Thank You God for blessing me with such a wonderful friendship... and may You continue to grant her the deepest desires of her heart.

I love you muse. Rock it like a superstar!

(To know more about Eleisha's music, visit http://www.myspace.com/shethewolf)

My Baby Boy Turns 4! :)

2010-10-28T11:17:00.000-07:00

I used to make fun of people who treat their pets like humans as if they're part of the family. I thought it was childish. Pathetic.

Until I found my pet match... my animal soulmate in the form of a gorgeous, fat, sweet, lazy adorable male cat which I named Ross. Now I know what the fuzz is about. They just become a big part of you... like having your own child. And once that bond is established, there's just no holding back.

All of a sudden, baby talks, taking photos frequently, talking about them all the time to your friends (who probably think your nuts for doing so!) doing special things like buying them treats/toys and spending quality time with them just becomes a natural thing.

Pets will give themselves to you unconditionally and look up to you for affection and care. And they always, always bring a smile to your face with their simple acts of love. Thus, making them happy in return is such a pleasure... Hearing your cat purr or seeing your dog give you a lick gives you so much joy. They are happy, you are happy, everyone is happy! What an ideal relationship ey?!

So on this special day, October 29, I am grateful for the birth of the most handsome cat in the world in my eyes... my baby boy Ross who now turns 4 years old! I feel hurt with the thought of us being so far away, him in Manila... me in Sydney but he is always in my mind and heart despite the distance. He will always be the special boy in my life, no one else will ever come close.

Here are some of his photos taken just a few days ago before this special day. See for yourself how gorgeous he is... :)

Best birthday wishes Rosito Mio! Stay happy, healthy, handsome, sweet, fat, lazy, loyal, and adorable just as you are. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you and I can't help but keep falling in love with you more and more even if we're miles apart. You will always be my happiness!

I miss you so much and I love you my baby! Happy Birthday! :)

"The Rose" - reposted from Paolo Coelho

2010-10-22T19:41:00.001-07:00

A rose longed for the company of the bees, but none would come to her. Even so, the flower was still capable of dreaming.

When she felt all alone, she would imagine a garden filled with bees that came to kiss her. And so she managed to resist until the next day, when she opened her petals again.

"Aren't you tired?" another rose asked her. "No, I have to go on fighting. "Why?" "Because if I don't open up, I wither."

Photo Chronicles of a Bartender (Part 1)

2010-10-04T03:45:00.000-07:00

THE GAFF BAR & NIGHTCLUB... where my bartending training took place.

The view from the outside on a weekend night.

THE MANSION BAR & NIGHTCLUB... my life in Sydney at night.

Yes, I am The Mansion Bar Bitch. ;)

The bottles I have to memorize and know by heart.

In my "staff" uniform and proud.

In heaven, there is no beer... that's why we drink it here.

Long Island Iced Tea, Mojito, and Cosmopolitan... coming up!

Hey Mr. Dj put a record on, I wanna dance with my baybeh. :)

The Mansion staff weekend shift.

Together with our crazy manager, we're surely ready to roll. :)

Surrounded by VERY young European Gaff bar dolls. (God I'm old! :-P)

Asian chicks DO know how to rock the club! \m/

"The Fisherman & The Businessman" (Reposted) - THIS EXPLAINS EXACTLY WHY I LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I DO :)

2010-09-20T05:40:00.001-07:00

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished. “This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said. The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman. “I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?” The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?” The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

- BY PAOLO COELHO

"Buying Time" (Reposted) - A SHORT YET MOVING STORY

2010-09-11T20:26:00.000-07:00

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door. “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” “Yeah, sure, what is it?” replied the man. “Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?“ "That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

“I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy. “If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.” “Oh,” the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?”

The father was furious. “If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. I work long, hard hours everyday and don’t have time for such childish games.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy’s questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00, and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

“Are you asleep son?” he asked.“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the man. “It’s been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here’s that $10.00 you asked for.”The little boy sat straight up, beaming. “Oh, thank you daddy!” he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

“Why did you want more money if you already had some?” the father grumbled. “Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?”

Mga Tanong Kong Walang Saysay...

2010-09-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

Sino kaya ang dapat sisihin kung bakit hindi umase-asenso ang Pilipinas? Gobyerno ba, ang mga mamamayan, ang kultura, o all of the above? Nakakafrustrate.

Paano kaya lalakas ang turismo sa Pilipinas? Naiinggit ako sa Australia kasi dito, sobrang lakas ng turismo nila kaya nag do domino effect. Mas madaming turista, mas madaming mga trabaho at mas malaking puhunan para sa gobyerno. Bakit ba di mangyari yon sa Pilipinas e ang ganda-ganda naman ng mga dagat, bundok at tourist spots natin?! Angat na angat kumpara sa ibang bansa! Di lang talaga pinopromote ng maayos.

Bakit ang mga tao laging nag-aalala para sa future? E hindi pa naman dumadating yon! Lagi iniisip, "Pano na BUKAS?" E pano naman yung NGAYON? Balewalain nalang? Kaya madami malungkot at aburido sa mundo... e pano, malayo ang tingin. Di napapansin na ok din pala ang ngayon!

Bakit kaya ginawang masarap ang mga nakakasama sa kalusugan or nakakataba ng katawan katulad ng tsokolate, kape, at alak? E masama nga diba? Bakit masarap?!? Lalo na tsokolate... ginawa pang substitute sa sex e HELLO?! Masama din naman sa katawan at nakakataba at pwede ka pa mag ka diabetes! Labo, chong!

Bakit nabura lahat ng images ko dito sa blog ko?! Copy and paste lang kasi yung mga dati kong entries galing sa official website ko. E wala na yung website! Pag ganon pala hindi nasesave yung image?! Grrrr. Kakainis naman. Mas ayos sana kung mga litrato ang mga entries. Pinaghirapan ko pa naman iupload yon.

Bakit parang wala na sa isip kong manirahan ulit sa Pilipinas at masyado na kong natutuwa at nagiging komportable sa Sydney? Mukhang para dito na nga talaga ako. Ayos lang... wala akong reklamo! GAME!

Bakit ang sarap lumandi?! Lalo na pag may itsura at magaling makipaghiritan... PATAY KANG BATA KA... :)

Bakit ang hirap magpatawa pag second language ang gamit? Minsan may joke akong naiisip pero pag inEnglish ko na, chaka ang dating or corny! Pero kung sa Pinas yon at Tinagalog ko, nakakatawa sobra! Sayang tuloy yung joke!!!!!!

Ano kaya ang susunod na topic ko sa video blog ko? Tagalog naman kaya o English parin? IniIngles ko kasi kung sakaling may banyagang nanonood. Pero parang gusto ko itry na Tagalog. Sa palagay nyo?

Asan na kaya ang soul mate ko?! Nabundol kaya ng bus o tren?! Sabi sa internet future prediction ko nung isang araw, "Tomorrow, you will meet the love of your life." Hala! E yung tomorrow na yon, nakaduty ako sa bar buong gabi. Ang daming lalaki!!!!! Sino don?!?!? Sana nagbigay naman ng clue diba?! :-P Nang hindi ako naging praning sa bawat gwapong nakikipag echusan sakin! Nakilala ko na kaya... Hmmm... Parang. AHAHA asa!!! :)

Bakit kasi lahat ng tao nakakaintindi ng English?! Ayan tuloy, napilitan ako mag blog ng Tagalog. Para sigurado lang. Di natin masasabi. Baka madulas ang daliri ko sa pag type ng mga hirit na hindi dapat mabasa ng mga dayuhan. ;)

Calling ko na kaya ang maging bartender? O pansamantalang trabaho at kaligayahan lang ito? Ewan ko lang ha... pero tuwang tuwa ako sa trabahong ito! Bagay na bagay sa strong personality ko at makerengkeng na nature. Gagawa ako ng hiwalay na blog tungkol dito. Basta... ANG SAYA!!!

Sino kaya ang nagpauso ng sangkaterbang flavors at pagtimpla ng cocktails at samu't saring klase at brands ng alchohol? Yan ang aaralin ko sa isang linggo... ang pag gawa ng iba't ibang cocktail drinks. Exciting pero nakakalito! Ayos. Bagong challenge!

Paano ba pigilan ang pagkain?! Lalo na nagkalat ang masarap ng chibog... Torture pare! Ang hirap naman magpigil! Ang sarap naman kasi!!!!

Kapag parang may "ilang" factor (sa magandang paraan!) ang lalaki sa babae or tipong hindi sya kasing kulit sa kanya kumpara sa ibang tao, may posibilidad kaya na type nya si girl?

Bakit pag may crush ako tapos kausap ko sya, parang lagi ako natatawa kahit wala naman nakakatawa?! At bakit kapag super lapit nya, tumitigil ang mundo ko, namemental block ang isip at kulang nalang magkanda bulul bulol ako sa pagsalita at mabitawan kung ano man ang hawak ko at mag tambling ng walang tigil?! Ang hirap maging chill! Grabe... parang HIGH SCHOOL ito!!!!

Paano ba pigilan ang kilig?! Baka kasi obvious na pala! ;)

Bakit kaya may mga tao pang sumusuporta sakin at nagbabasa parin ng Twitter at blog ko kahit parang wala namang kwenta? Di naman ako nagrereklamo. Nagtataka lang at natatouch kung bakit lab na lab parin nila ako kahit minsan, para lang naman akong engot. :-P

Totoo kaya ang mga hula, horoscope, psychic reading at kung ano ano pang kababalaghan sa pagbasa ng hinaharap? Wala lang, nakakaintriga lang.

Kamusta na kaya si Ross, ang pinakamamahal kong pusa? Ano kaya iniisip nya ngayon? Sana naiisip nya ako gaya ng madalas kong pag-alala sa kanya. Miss na miss ko ang baby ko!

Bakit isip at kilos bata parin ako?! Kelan kaya ako magtatanda?! Hala! Baka naman retarded pala ako or maluwag ang turnilyo! HAHAHA!

May nakakarelate kaya sa mga pinagsasasabi ko kahit walang katuturan? Sana. :)

Bakit kaya ang dami kong tanong ngayong gabi?! Hay ewan. Makatulog na nga. Basta, rak en rol nalang. \m/

Random Thoughts (August 16, 2010)

2010-08-16T05:08:00.000-07:00

Just a few things at the top of my head before doing my assignments. I need to release them so I can get it out of the way and focus on what needs to be done.

I can't seem to stick to finishing one course all the way through! Back in my college days in Manila, I shifted 3 times! From Literature to Economics to Development Studies. And now in Sydney, from Diploma in Communications & Media... I jump to Certificate 4 in Tourism. I may keep shifting BUT I make sure I graduate with flying colors. ALWAYS. However, it goes to show I'm still undecided on what my calling is aside from show business. Hmmm.

I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. I realized I've been collecting short courses certificates! I took up make up, dancing, bikini & lingerie design, culinary arts, fashion design, modeling, acting, and now, tour guiding! The good thing is... I learn new things all the time. The bad thing is... I don't become an expert on any of them.

So many change has happened to me for the 2nd semester of the school year. Shifting my course to Tourism caused a major domino effect. My campus was moved right at the heart of the city, which led me to relocate to an apartment nearby, which forced me to find a job in the area! New course, new campus, new classmates, new condo, new flatmates, new job, new area, new lifestyle, new beginning. Yeah baby, change is good. :)

Sydney is a beautiful city. I just fell in love with it all over again and I keep on falling more and more... :)

Men love the "moving target". I conducted a social experiment where in I went out on a Friday night at a club looking all ready, willing to mingle and socialize and I only got a few guys approaching... BUT when I was doing my bartender training on a Saturday night where I was moving around, not being too available because I was busy getting orders and making drinks, I got hit on more. SIGH. Men and their "hunter" nature... it is and will always be.

Yes. I'm officially undergoing training to be a cocktail server and bartender in this new lounge bar opening on September at one of the hot spots in the city. All I can say is... I'm loving it!!! It gives me the license to flirt, be extra vain, socialize, and stay up late... In short, it lets me be ME. And I'm not just training to be one... I'm aiming to be REALLY good at it. Filipina hot bartenders REPRESENT!!! Woot woot! Oh by the way, wanna know a secret? I DON'T DRINK. Ironic, isn't it? :)

Guys say the most insane pick up lines when they're drunk! The alcohol just gets them fired up and they simply just say what they think without editing! The award-winning one I heard was, "Hi, I like long walks in the beach, home cooked meals and cute puppies. What's your name?" AHAHAHA! I gotta salute their bravery though. A for effort!

It's so hard to concentrate on mixing the right beverage when male customers are cute and flirty! I'm a woman and I'm suppose to be able to multi-task dammit!!! But it's challenging knowing there are gorgeous, lustful eyes staring at you. If Superman is to kryptonite, then Jaymee is to cute boys. :)

Tall, confident, articulate, mix of half Eastern half Western men are cute. No wait, correction... INSANELY GORGEOUS!

Sydney Chapter 2 has only just begun for me. I'm excited for this new change. Homesickness is getting less and less... I've finally accepted it. I am here. And I will be here to stay. Time to carry on and be open to all possibilities. Keep moving forward, no more looking back. Sydney central business district... here I come! I'm a ROCK the city! :)

Message In The Toilet

2010-07-31T01:04:00.000-07:00

As I was about to pee at the airport toilet, I read this by the door of my cubicle. I had to take a photo and share it to everyone. What an inspiring message! God does speak to us in unimaginable ways.

Random Thoughts (July 2, 2010)

2010-07-01T22:01:00.000-07:00

*Facebook is like chocolate. It's nice to have at a certain degree but can quite get dangerous as it can be really addicting. Just like dieting, I try to cut down on the chocolate (Facebook) but it's hard because it's tempting... and so good! You can let your narcissistic side run free by talking about your thoughts and story, at the same time, keep tabs on others. How therapeutic is that?! Hahaha!

*"Winter, winter go away. Come again another day. Little Jaymee wants to play." I HATE WINTER! Yes it has it's good points... One, you don't sweat. Two, the fashion is nice especially in men (they look so dignified and neat). Three, it makes you feel relaxed. BUT overall, it sucks. It gets me depressed, lazy, eat more (to generate energy for heat),lonely, and so homesick. Imagine being in a refrigerator-like temperature (more or less 10 degrees!) with no more sun starting at 5:00PM?! Ha. Not funny! Not funny at all.

*Pathetic as it may sound but I've become so dependent on a technological device. I realized I can't survive without my laptop. It has become my portal to the Philippines and the world. I wonder how people from back in the days managed without it. Hmmm.

*Online dating... new age "in" trend or mild desperation? Since you can get anything online nowadays... food, clothes, job, apartment, car, money, transactions... I wonder if love can be found as well. Although the idea seems absurd, online dating has it's advantage... it's fast paced and you can screen the men right away and narrow it down to those who you want to entertain. BUT it's hard to know what their true intentions are as you only know them based on what they say. No reference or background check whatsoever. That's the risk you have to take.

*I met this nutritionist from an acquaintance who told me that most people who are too health conscious STILL gain weight because of their attitude when eating food. They stress too much about every calorie count, every pound they might gain, and all the other useless things to worry about. This tricks the mind into believing they are getting fat which reflects in the body. Bottom line, it's mind over matter. 50% it's the stress and paranoia that results to the weight gain, and food is only 50%. So if you eat everything in moderation... just enjoy every bite, gulp, and sip... and you tell yourself in the mirror that you've got a kick ass body... you got a better chance at maintaining a good figure. Interesting isn't it?

*There's always two sides of the story... his side and her side. It's funny how when people don't understand each other (especially between a man and a woman), they result into pointing fingers and accusing that the other person is "nuts" or weirdo... when in reality, they could just be functioning differently. Hence,assumption on who's at fault shouldn't be made unless both sides have been heard. If a guy is accusing a girl for being narrow-minded BUT on the girl's side, the guy seems too selfish to not see it through her perspective, could be it that they BOTH have a point but it's just that they don't think alike? Thus, thou shall not judge.

*FIFA World Cup is driving me wild! I never knew what the big deal was before but now that I got a hang of watching it, I understand. One... the game is so exciting and keeps you in suspense. And two... HOT, sweaty European and Latin men running around the field with testosterones raging... HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS. It's like porn for women. While watching the Spain vs. Portugal game, I fantasized volunteering for a gang bang! WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ronaldo rocks my world!!! He looks so hot it hurts... OUCH.

*Seduction is NOT possible without a little mind game. As bullshit as it may sound, you need a hint of mystery, challenge, and absence to feel the lust and get constantly attracted to someone. If it's all open book and everything's figured out, what's the point of solving the case? If the wild boar is delivered dead in front of your door step, why bother going out for the hunt? It sucks but more often than not, we get attracted to people when we aren't sure if we can get them or not. It's not playing games. It's just plain reality. Be too familiar and predictable, then you lose the desirability factor.

*My alter ego is wanting to get unleashed so bad! Imaybe "sane", level-headed, matured, and hospitable by nature but I got this evil step sister who is ego-centered, bitchy, crazy, and unpredictable. I killed her (or I thought I did!) when I left the Philippines to give way for my real self to shine in Sydney. But I didn't. She had just fallen into a deep sleep for a long time and now, she wants out. So far, she's still contained. I'm hoping she won't escape from the dungeon. Or else, UH OH. Sydney's in trouble.

*Friends and acquaintances observations as to why after a decade of dating, I'm still single: One... too independent(not used to having someone looking after me). Two... too picky (Always finding faults with the guy... "No man is good enough" mentality). Three... Alpha female personality (dominating and strong). Four... trust issues(deeply hurt from a VERY bad past experiences and can't get over it). Five... too confident (thinking the grass might be greener on the other side. Thus, too scared to choose one and stick with it because someone better might come along). Six... "Celebrity syndrome" (Thinking that guys only want me for superficial reasons). Seven... Bad example set by parents (Studies show that children from separated parents either copy the same marriage patterns or are too scared to even commit!). Eight... I'm immature. (Self-explanatory!) Nine... I still haven't given up on being married with Ashton Kutcher someday(SIGH!). Ten... I'm simply crazy and haven't found a man who is insane enough to deal with my shit. MY ANSWER: All of the above! :)

*I seriously miss the natural high I get from performing on stage... with the lights and sounds... cameras flashing, adrenalin pumping combined with the applause of Filipino crowd. How I wish one day I could go up there and rock the stage like it's there's no tomorrow. Who knows? Destiny might just surprise me. Until then, it will always be a memory I'll always happily reminisce over and over again. I miss you Filipinos! :)

Wala Lang...

2010-06-17T23:15:00.001-07:00

Isa pala akong "domesticated diva"! Lingid din ito sa aking kaalaman kaya't nagulat ako sa aking sarili. Hindi ko alam kung dahil lang ba nasa Sydney ako ngayon kung saan convenient lahat ng bagay at iba ang lifestyle... o talagang may tendency na ako at ngayon ko lang nadiscover. Sobra akong naeexcite magpunta sa grocery para mamili tapos magluluto! Feeling ko'y para kong bata ulit at naglalaro ng "nanay nanayan" na pupunta sa palengke at maghahanda ng pagkain sa kusina! :)

At sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, excited akong magluto ng hapunan! Parang lutu-lutuan lang pero totoong buhay na! Therapeutic ang feeling habang naghahanda ng pagkain... paghiwa ng ingredients, pagluto at paghanda sa mesa. Masarap din maramdaman ang init ng kalan dahil winter na dito... malamig! Nakakarelax ang init lalo na pag tinatapat ko ang kamay ko sa kalan... Super therapeutic!

Kakaloka diba?! Sinong maga-aakala na ito pala ang kaligayahan ko?! Sa bagay, sa Pinas naman mahilig na akong maglagi sa bahay at mag luto di kuno ng kung anek-anek. Tamad nga lang ako kumpara dito na ganadong-ganado ako at mega excited! Natutuwa din ako pag naiipon na ang labada at oras na para maglaundry... at pag nag alarm na ang washing machine, aliw na aliw ako pag kuha ng damit dahil super fresh ang amoy! Hmmm... bango! Parang commercial lang ng Tide e no?! Hahaha!

Ano kaya ang ibig sabihin nito?! May calling na kaya akong maging isang mabuting maybahay?! NYAK! Nakakatakot isipin na hindi na ewan! Ah basta, tuloy parin ako... Hala sige... luto, laba, linis... my new found hobby. AYOS!!!! :)

Friendship That Fits

2010-06-09T05:15:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest parts about starting over in a new country is finding your "people"... those that you can rely on at times of adversities, relate a happy or sad experience with no matter how shallow, exchange deep or stupid ideas with, enjoy and do similar activities with, laugh and cry with, and most importantly, share a comfortable silence with.

Back home, these people are mostly within your reach. They're just an SMS, chat or Facebook away. If a sharing can't wait, you can drive or hail a cab and in a few minutes, a big warm hug is waiting by the doorstep. They're like those comfortable slippers at home. You know they're there and they will be when you need them and vice versa.

But being in a new place, it's not that simple. I compare it to shopping for the right shoes. Sure, there are lots of potential shoes around (a.k.a. friendly people). Some look really good on your feet but doesn't quite hit the spot. Some are comfortable but not your style. Some look enticing but you know it's not a good "long term" investment. Some have all that you want in shoes but your feet just doesn't feel at home.

Same goes for finding true friends. It's either they're too much or too little. Too young or old. Too conservative or liberated. Too shallow or deep. Too materialistic or religious. Too passive or aggressive. It's a constant case of trial and error to see which one has the perfect fit.

The thing is, real friendship takes time to build. That's the difficult part. So whenever I meet a potential new candidate, I can't help but think, "How do I even begin telling her all about my 3 decades of existence on Earth?" And of course, I would love to get to know her more too and just like me, I bet she has lots to say as to why she is who she is now. So how do you even begin building this "friendship" over a cup of coffee that took years to build with my current best friends?

Meeting new people from different cultures and nationalities is heaps of fun but sometimes, I long for the comfort of the "tried and tested" slippers... good, old best friends. I just wanna be me and say what's on my mind, no matter how shallow or stupid it may sound. I just wanna spit out a bad word and not be afraid to be judged. I just wanna trip and laugh at the most mundane things and be my usual weirdo, crazy self without having to explain why. I just wanna bitch about a person not treating me good knowing they've got my back. I just wanna stay still and just be, knowing that someone beside me completely understands my sentiments and sympathizes with what I'm feeling without having to say a word.

One thing I've learned about friendship is it really is about the bond forming between you two and sustaining the magic that keeps it alive. Doing activities together, spending time everyday and constantly talking to one another doesn't necessarily mean you have a friendship going on... because it is ONLY based on a common interest or denominator. Take it away and the connection will be lost. Friendship is a lot more than that.

Also, living far away will gradually reveal who your true friends are. Any form of long distance relationship (whether romantic or friendship) takes a lot of investment in terms of time, effort and money... Finding quality time to meet the person online and work the time difference, exerting effort to write long emails and exchange chat messages, and spending money on long distance calls and international SMS.

Friendship is simply no longer convenient, which is why the people you thought were your "friends" will falter one by one with the "I've been busy", "I have a lot going on right now", "I got no internet load or phone credits" or any other excuses. But the REAL ones will shine through no matter what. Despite the distance and inconvenience, they WILL be there. It may not be frequent but they WILL let you know they care even in small gestures. The rest will just fall behind and even if it makes you sad, you'll realize maybe they weren't keeping after all.

True friendship is about growing with the person and still feel strongly connected despite not spending time everyday or not sharing the exact same interests or hobbies. It's when you see or talk to each other after so many months or years and as though you've just seen each other yesterday. The bond just stays alive. Your spirits are still intertwined. That is true connection. And that is what I miss.

Yes I have been meeting lots of good people in Sydney who definitely have the potential to blossom into friendship but I need to leave it all to time. History cannot be taught overnight and each soul has a story to share. Hence, time alone can reveal if the shoe fits. Until then, keep trying and keep looking! You'll never know, a good old comfortable pair of slippers could just be waiting around in the next shop!

This blog is dedicated to my true friends who stuck by me through Manila, in Sydney, through heaven or hell. You are all irreplaceable and I can't wait to see you again. I love and miss you all so deeply. To my blog readers, treasure your friends and love them as you would a brother or sister... for national treasures are a rare find. Cheers mates! :)

Flirting Is Simply "Just Flirting"!

2010-05-23T02:35:00.001-07:00

For some insane reason, I always attract clit teasers. I'm referring to guys who flirt like crazy but don't follow through... hence, the name. I don't know if it's them just randomly finding their way to me or is it me unconsciously attracting them from sending out some sort of "signal" that my green light is on. But either way, IT'S NOT FUNNY.

In my perspective, I engage in mild or heavy flirtation (depending on the situation!) because I find the guy attractive. I'm not visualizing relationship, marriage or babies but the thought of a date or spending time to get to know the person is highly entertained. Sadly though, guys don't see it that way. Guys can flirt because of so many reasons... boredom, horniness, ego trip and if the girl is lucky, he must really like her. But the chances of the last one are minuscule!

Women, too, can be good cock teasers and can surely play the field. But for those like me who's been there, done that... it sucks to be led on by these clit teasers! It's frustrating to meet someone you're attracted to and have him show interest back only to find out that he's not gonna call or ask you out anyway. Such a waste of time and interest! Even if the encounter was brief, it's STILL a let-down!

It's not everyday you meet someone you feel attraction for (who reciprocates it!), thus, you can't help but feel excited and anticipate the next move. And if they don't do anything, you can't help but ask, "What is up?!" You wonder endlessly if you did something wrong, said something that's off, sent a "not interested" vibe and a dozen of other excuses... maybe he's shy, intimidated, immature, rebounding, jerk, etc. The list could go on and on. But it's STILL so hard to wrap your head around it. Why would he NOT do something when the attraction and tension were heavily felt?!

Then you come up with a way to convince yourself that maybe you should do something on your end! Maybe you need to give him a nudge by sending an SMS or adding him on Facebook so that he'll be reminded that you still exist and somehow, waiting for a sequel to your love story.

But if you look at the bigger picture, you know the answer is simple. He was just flirting but it doesn't mean he wants to date you! It's always easy to say and realize this when you're not involved. Good thing I have great friends to yank me out of this stupid situation. From all the years of being a "clit tease"magnet, I realized that guys flirt for the following reasons:

1. They see it as a vice or a sport. It's something they do for the heck of doing it without thinking what the consequences are, similar to smoking or drinking. They just do it simply because.

2. It's a way to test if their mojo is still on... if they still have charms that can lure the ladies. Sex appeal validation, so to speak. It's a relaxing massage to their ego.

3. If women use flirting to get what they want from men particularly material things, so can men! They do it to get away with what they want... whether it be for work (promotion, salary raise, closing a deal/sale through a female client/boss), a favor (hitching a ride, copy homework, borrow money, etc.) or personal gratification (in Layman's term, to get laid).

4. They're simply testing the waters to see if the girl will bite the bait. With a few sweet words, a few winks, and slight touch as the ONLY investment, what have they got to loose if she doesn't give in?! So might as well try! Who knows? They might get an instant score all the way.

5. It's a form of amusement. It is said that the world is always nicer to beautiful people. As per men, the hotter the girl, the more guys will flirt simply because it is entertaining. They may think she's hot but it doesn't mean he want to know her better (besides her bra cup size and underwear color!) "I think you're gorgeous" doesn't always equate "I want to get to know you better."

6. It's a band aid for personal baggage. From mother issues to low self-esteem to past hurtful experiences from exes, to loneliness, to psychological sickness, to other crazy reason I've never heard of, NAME IT! Flirting can be a temporary cure for emotional wound.

7. They're simply just bored! And since they are driven by testosterones and they have dicks, they will flirt with an attractive (or in some cases, even the "just ok" looking) female specie nearby. Plain and simple.

It took me more than a decade of dating, reading self-help books, constant psychological bitch slapping from friends and never ending self-realizations to engrave in my thick, hard skull that flirting is "just flirting." It doesn't mean it'll turn out into a date, relationship, or future with a guy. The only time it can be considered as more than flirting is if he actually DOES something to progress the situation such as asking to spend time with you alone on a date. Otherwise, it's JUST flirting.

Some may argue that the girl has the power to make the move as well if she wants the guy. But I beg to differ as I still believe in the natural order of things... the man takes the lead, the woman reciprocates. Call me old-fashioned but that's how it's been and that's how it will always be. And if the guy is not MAN enough to go for a girl he really likes and do what he can to make her feel special, why would the girl want him?

I wrote this as a constant reminder to myself, now that I'm back in the dating scene... and to other women to think objectively when another clit teaser comes along. Sure, flirting is fun... just as long as you don't expect more. If it happens, well and good. If not, then it was fun while it was happening.

And lastly, whichever way we put it, women deserve to be asked out. We freakin' deserve a nice date with a good man!And all the flirty words and gestures pales in comparison to how we SHOULD be treated. Keep that in mind, ladies. To the guys reading this, be nice to us please. If you ain't biting, don't bother barking. Peace y'all! :)

"The Awakening" by Sonny Carroll

2010-05-16T05:44:00.000-07:00

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice
inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening...

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it's just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.